A few people have asked me to post about relationships. At first, I put it on the back burner then I contemplated it. Now, I am following through with it. Get your hard hats on; because we are about to start the process to building a relationship!
For some reason, the 20th century is all about getting together in a hurry. I will admit I did the exact same thing, but that’s a story for another day. Lately, it just seems that men and women are jumping into relationships and not even considering the future outcome. Now, I understand some are the type to “go with the flow.” There is nothing wrong with going with the flow. However, don’t you ever find yourself wondering when is the flow going to end, when are we going to get to loving each other?
I look at relationships like building a house. Now, I’m not a contractor or anything. However, when you get ready to build a house; you must buy the land go to the county and get all the paperwork and stuff done, That’s the easy part (relationship wise). Then, you must break ground to begin building the house. So, what exactly does breaking ground, have to do with my relationship?
When you meet your significant other, you get all excited and everything is going great. This is also known as the honeymoon stage, during the honeymoon stage it seems that nothing can go wrong. Sadly, for most things eventually turn out for the worse. Then, before you know it you are single and back on the market looking for another partner. This is when we need to learn to venture off from honeymoon to okay let’s break ground and really find out more of each other.
Over the years, I personally have been in some relationships that basically ended after the honeymoon stage. I was the individual who wanted to know more, I wanted to discover your fears. I wanted to test your patience to see how well you can tolerate my occasional mood swings. However, I was unable to do that; it seemed to me that the individuals I was dating at the time. Only had one thing in mind and that was fun. Now, fun is all good but eventually a time comes when the fun must be put on PAUSE and the testing beings.
So, how would one go about testing to see if this is a house worth building? Well don’t be like me for starters and pushing buttons. Have a simple conversation, figure out what goals he or she has. Also, be upfront with the other party. Let them know you really want to get to know them and you really would like to take things at a decent pace. Maybe make a game of it, the rules will be very simple. Let the other party know they must honestly be themselves, they must not put on a front. Then, at the end both parties get together and go over what you sought during the feel out stage.
This will allow both of you the time to feel out the other. During this time, you should keep a list of all things you notice that you may not like. Now, if it happens only once then don’t waste your damn time making the note. You want to feel this person out you want to just capture the BIG major things the other party does that irritates you i.e. Burping aggressively in public without excusing him or herself. Yes, ladies can be damn gross just as guys. So, make note of these things. Also, not the small petty stuff like toothpaste caps etc.
Once you have this mental note of the bigger issues. You should go to a space that is meant just for your personal time. Contemplate on if what you consider a major issue major, will it be worth the disagreement or altercations down the road? Remember this game shouldn’t be very long or very short. You don’t want to find yourself back in the loop of the honeymoon stage. So, you will have to adjust the time according to you, and how long you can tolerate certain things.
Once both parties have contemplated. You want to bring your findings to the table, then you discuss them to see if you can meet in the middle. Most will say this approach is very forward, yes, I will agree. Lately, everyone has been upset with people wasting time and end up not what we want. So, let’s cut to the chase and figure out before years have passed and we feel we are stuck.
Now, please understand. I am completely aware that as life goes on things change and people change. However, in my defense I would hope that this ground-breaking stage will give you the push you need to address major issues that you may not agree with. Remember, a relationship is only health if communication is a primary key.
Looking forward to bringing you more relationship building tips and tools. As always everyone is AMAZING!
*Disclaimer: I am not a professional relationship therapist or psychologist. However, I have experienced a lot in life, and I do feel my views will help someone in some way as they have helped me. Please be advised these views are from my own opinion and life experiences. *