Post is late however, I must stick to my word and deliver. Today, coffee and chat took place at my aunts house. We sat on the patio and I felt this was the perfect time to chat. So, continue reading as we dive into our topic for the day.
What is Codependency?
excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.
Last night, I was up late, and I was watching Red Table Talk. I was trying to do some catch up because I will admit I was behind (Not that far). However, the show is by Jada Pinkett Smith (the wife of my idol Will Smith). On the episode I watched, Gabriel Union was the guest, and these two powerful women delivered a message that I believe everyone needs to hear. Now, in the end you will see they briefly speak on codependency.
After watching this episode, realization had hit, and I discovered that I am codependent. I really thought that after moving out I was independent and no longer dependent on my parents. Oh, but I was wrong. I am actually codependent on my friendships and other relationships, this is a bad thing, and this is something I need to bring to a hard stop.
When you are codependent on someone or a relationship (friendships), you become addicted to that person or relationship and you seek validation on your life from them. To me, this is basically not being able to speak, live, or do for yourself. Like the definition says above in summary, you rely on this person, and you want to fit in so in some ways; you do what you feel will make the other person happy. Now, who is making sure you are happy?
I realized I am codependent because of a characteristic trait. I would automatically beat myself up, get in my head, and freak out if someone did not speak to me like normal. It truly was the fear of abandonment. My friends would tell me I need to get out of my head, and that everything is “okay” but in reality its not. Here I am trying to make sure that everyone around me is happy, and I am not taking care of myself.
Talking to my aunt, I realized that I need to break this habit, and I need to gain control of my life. At one point, I was very independent, and I didn’t need anyones approval or validation; but then life happened.
So in conclusion, I am vowing to care for me, and I am vowing to prioritize myself over others. I cant make everyone happy, I cant seek validation from others anymore, I used to be a yes man, but now I am going to start saying no. My counselor told me a few weeks back, “Uriah, you need to set boundaries, and if those boundaries push people away then you know what needs to be done.” I blew it off and didn’t pay it any mind. Now, I have been smacked in the face with reality and it is time for me to get back to me.
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As always, everyone is AWESOME!